T-H-A-O

I had my second rehearsal with the casts of “The Laramie Project” today. Except for the fact that the rehearsal ran for more than 4 hours, it was the best 4 hours of my entire week. It’s has been a while since I really got involve in a theater production in high school and that’s why I’m so excited about it.

Theater has everything that I love: acting, stage, production, music, stratagem of emotions, laughter, physical movements, burning energy, mutual interaction, creativity, etc. you can name it. Though acting and directing have never been a big part of my life as I’ve always wanted them to be, I love every minute of it. I love seeing my friends transform themselves into different characters and deliver the stories as if they’re their own. I miss the feeling of forgetting for a moment my true self and being someone else, living their moments, experiencing their lives, understanding the complication of human psyche and embracing the beauty of diversity and individuality. What keeps distracting me from studying for an important exam on Monday is the play. I can’t stop thinking about it in the last 7 hours, about the actual stage, the performing days, the audience, Matthew Shepard, the fences, the trials, the lights,…

I remember back in high school when I rewrote a well-known folktale, made it a play, directed it and acted a role in it, my teacher asked me to apply for acting school after high school. I never did, apparently. I actually gave acting and directing a thought, but somehow it wasn’t that easy, regarding my family, to go for something as non-traditional as theater. And also as I talked to my friend’s friend Meg last night, it’s just so hard to distinguish between passion and interest.

Listen to my own heart? What if my heart gets confused? Even my brain deceives me sometimes. I should cover all my senses and detach myself from all outside influences to listen to my own heartbeat. Maybe that’s the only way to know?